Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize