Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
