i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
