he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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