when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im holly from the hills drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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