Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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