im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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