Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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