Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
