i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
