You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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