I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
