Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
