I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize