there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
