that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
