Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
