Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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