I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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