i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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