Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
