i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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