I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
