What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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