I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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