I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
