News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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