Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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