I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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