My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
