a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i've created a new STD.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
