i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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