you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
