I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
