can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
