dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
