all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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