God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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