anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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