I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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