Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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