They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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