Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
