I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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