when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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