if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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