dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
