All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
