Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
