GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize