Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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