Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
