Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
