I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
