Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
