The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
