i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize