i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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