Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
