don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
