Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
