A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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