Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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