Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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