you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
