he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
