Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
