she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
