eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
