my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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