ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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