# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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