who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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