Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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