I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
