Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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