Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
