the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When are your genitals available?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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