I have demons in me.
I can text with my tongue
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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