Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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