Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
