Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
