to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drake has all the answers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
