U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
