I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
