I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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