An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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