we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
