i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
